I had to report a serious incident, then all **** broke loose (in my head)

 

I had to report a serious incident and it broke me. After I reported it I was fine, but honestly. I think I was lost in the whole situation.
It was such a busy day and I was running on empty. When the shift ended I had time to reflect on what I saw. I broke down, and pretty much cried the whole way home.

It was around the time that I felt like I was kind of getting on top of everything. The transition between being a student nurse and a nurse was hard, and just as things were getting better this happened. Pretty much everything up to this point had left me feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. I was gripping onto everything. Slowly my mind was adjusting to the chaotic environment. I was making the transition slowly but surely. Then this happened, it was literally the straw that broke the Camles back.

Looking back I’m glad it was a busier day, if it was a quieter day, I probably would have broken down on the shop floor. When stuff like this happens, I reflect. This is my unstructured reflection.

I was, like no way will I adjust to this, no way will I adjust to this! No way will I accept this as a norm. This is wrong on every level. I really thought about how I was before I started my job and how I am now, and I have bent so much. I will bend no more, the environment is wrong, the whole ergonomics of how things work is off.
This made me so grateful for where I studied. I studied up north and I currently work in London. They really set the standard. Someone at work called me spoilt, as if my expectations were too high. Too high? Never! I’ve seen it done before, it can be done again. #discrepancies. Does the leading change and adding value framework mean nothing.

Regardless of the environment you were ‘raised in’, this is where the need for your philosophy of nursing is even stronger. I guess if you were raised in a dysfunctional environment, and then you go to work in a somewhat dysfunctional environment, then it’s hard to see all the red flags. Wrong or poorly done becomes the norm.

Know who you are, and know what type of nurse you are, what is your philosophy of nursing? I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, ‘if you don’t know who you are, they will tell you who you are, and it will be less than what your worth’.

This has been part of my experience, and I pray to God it is not a common experience among new nurses. I am aware that the environment I am in is below par. Despite what the QCQ and other auditors say, this environment is not it.

I’m #out.

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