Lets get real, lets get really real. In this post I am going to talk about what really went through my mind when I put on my new uniform for the first time. If you watched my latest video then you will know that it was somewhat of an unusual experience. I filmed that video over 2 months ago. I was hesitant about making it public because once I had filmed and edited it, I realised that I had missed a lot out. I felt the video was superficial and didn’t really touch upon ‘my personal experience’. I touched upon ‘my personal experience’ but looking back I felt like it wasn’t personal enough. I guess there is only so much I could fit in a couple of minutes. So, like I have already said, in this post I am going to talk about what really went though my mind, when I put my uniform on.
So, I got my uniform that day. I took it out the plastic packaging and unravelled it. As I held my uniform in my hand I really didn’t make anything of it. I was use to wearing uniforms as a student nurse, so I didn’t expect this experience to be different. I put my uniform on really quickly, I felt fine. And then I looked in the mirror. I can only describe what I saw as a mixture of woah and numbness. My sight changed, it became blurry. Not blurry as in, ‘just wipe your eyes and it will be fine’. But blurry as in ‘who are you looking at’? I really can’t put it into descriptive words. But I can kind of tell you how it made me feel. I can kind of tell myself how it made me feel. I not sure why but my vison become disconnected from everything else. People in the background became muted. My mind wasn’t racing. I thought it would, but I was very, very calm, and chilled. Four years of hard work and here I am. A lot of what I worked for has brought me to this point. I’m not going to lie I was proud of myself. I appreciated the hard work that myself and the people around me had put in so that I could reach this point. I paid mind to my family, friends, course mates, lectures, and the folks who paid their taxes so that I could attain a level of education that people literally die for. I thank God for keeping me safe and sane. On the outside I was smiling, on the inside I was cheesing and confused.
There were people in the background telling me I looked good and that I should be proud of myself, I was. Trust me I was. I was very proud of myself.
The ‘blurriness’ wouldn’t go away and I reached a point where I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. Looking back I think that it was because I had never seen myself at this point. I had never envisioned myself at this point. I knew I was going to make it here. But I didn’t know what condition I would make it in. So When I finally got here, mind and all, I was trying to find my way. It was all so new and familiar at the same time. Like new uniform same person. Almost like ‘well done but big deal, girl get over yourself and get to work’. Honestly, I didn’t feel as much as I ‘ought to’ when putting my uniform on for the first time. (especially when I compare putting on my first student nurse uniform to this time). I think it was down to the situation, or the environment shall I say. There was to time to let it all sink in. I had to put my uniform on and start working straight away. No time to take pictures and cheese out in real life. As I am writing this, I feel as if I should edit my graduation vlog. Graduation was honestly one of the best days of my life.
Please let me know if you can relate to my post.